I had an awful hinge date where I was assaulted…Let me define assault first..this was a simple assault where it involves forcing an individual to take part in any form of sexual activity without explicit consent.
In November 2019, I met this guy from the dating app Hinge for coffee on a Sunday morning. I suggested some coffee shops and he suggested Starbucks in West Village (which is walking distance for him). So we met there..he was cute, but no chemistry…I felt like I was carrying the convo…he mentioned that he lived at this apartment complex down the street and he said do you want to go there now and I said no…then we talked some more and he was like you want to go on a walk. I said sure…so we start walking down the street.
I should of asked where we were walking to, but I didn’t.
We just walked up to his apt complex and he was like we can go watch that Netflix show you were talking about.
My flags were raising faster than a fat kid at ponchos. I had bad anxiety and I thought this was nervous energy but it was really God telling me get out of there. But I didn’t know what I was feeling…this was my second sober date..so I didn’t know what to do with my feelings.
Then we go in his apt and I sit on the opposite side of the couch and he was like you are going to sit all the way down there. So I moved a little closer..then we started the show and he literally got in my face and started kissing me…it was the most awkward thing ever…I literally froze and my mind was racing. I’m such a people pleaser and have made horrible mistakes in similar situations in my past due to the poor judgement from alcohol. In the past I thought something was wrong with me, but nothing was wrong with me…I put myself in an awkward situation and the other person made me feel awkward. There was nothing wrong with me! In the past I judged myself so much for feeling awkward and was like get over it Bryn and drank away the nerves. Friends, nerves can help you. When you feel uneasy and uncomfortable in situations where you do not feel like you have options…GET OUT OF THERE!!!
Anyways… I said hey lets watch the show…and then he said do you want to watch the show in my bedroom and I said NO. Then he came at me again with a kiss except this time he was trying to get in my pants and I crossed my arms like a barricade and moved my arms as a nonverbal cue. Then he grabbed my hand and placed it on his hard pants, if you catch my drift…and that’s when I took my hand back and said I don’t want to hook up I’m just gonna go if that’s what you want…I didn’t even want to kiss him but I didn’t know what to do and how to get out of there without being awkward.
Then I decided I don’t care if I’m awkward he is the one that made me feel awkward. That’s when I took my power back. In treatment I learned about taking my power back. That’s when I don’t let someone else’s actions determine how I feel. I CHOOSE how I feel with my mind. My mind is my feeling,thinking and choosing. I learned some valuable lessons that day, but was also so proud of myself for standing up for myself and getting out of there. I thank God for giving me the courage and strength to stand up for myself. To be honest, I don’t know what would of happened if I wasn’t sober.
Lesson one: Don’t go into anyone’s apt regardless….even if you think they seem like a nice person.
Lesson Two, ask questions.
Lesson Three: FLEE! Get of of there if you feel uncomfortable. No matter how you feel. Trust your flags on this one.
After I left. I called my friend to vent, which was so helpful. Let me tell you I REALLY wanted to drink after this date bc I was so shook up. But I didn’t.. I went home to see my new dog and had a CALM drink and then went to a yoga class. I hope this story can encourage someone who has been in a similar situation or for someone who encounters something like this in the future.